December 12, 2011 we got up to get the kids off to school. Frank was flying nights that week so he was home that morning. We got Zoe out to the bus, hung around with the boys , they watched the obnoxious Kia Hamster Party Rock commercial about 5 times, we danced around in the kitchen, laughed... normal "us" stuff. I had errands to run and he came with me so I wouldn't have to drag the toddlers out of the van every time. Came home, put the littles down for their nap and spent some nice time together before he headed out to work at 11:30. He kissed me goodbye, said "I love ya, see ya tonight" and got in his truck and drove off happy. He called me a few minutes later and said "Hey, would you close the garage door? I love you!".I went on with my day, Hunter had a doctor appointment that afternoon... our last one for a month. It was a cold day, but after we got back from the hospital I put the littles in the stroller and we were standing in our driveway when a Kiowa flew over the house low and slow. I knew it was him, I took a video of Liam yelling. We loved seeing Daddy fly over the house. Now that I think about it... that was the last glimpse we got of him. Flying out over Puget Sound... doing what he loved.
I got the big kids home from the bus stop and did our normal evening stuff. After the kids went to bed I was cleaning up my office and putzing around on the computer. I was waiting up for him, figured he'd be home around midnight. By 12:30 I decided to go to bed. I heated up the rice bags to warm up his side of the bed ( He came home like a block of ice after flying at night up here), I did that so he wouldn't put his cold feet on ME when he slipped into the bed. He loved that I did that for him.
I rolled over and fell asleep and woke up with a start at 2:40 and immediately felt something was wrong. He should have been home by then. I sent a text at 2:43 "Babe,where are you?" Didn't get a response. Got out of bed, looked out the window to check for his truck, paced a few minutes. Got back in bed, trying to shake it off. But I felt seriously off. I texted him "Worried here-are you okay?" I laid down but my head was What If-ing already.
A few minutes later the doorbell rang. I know I freaked out but I also thought " Oh crap,he's home and I left the chain on the door!". The dog bolted down the stairs, I started walking down the stairs and got midway down and could see through the glass door. I could see guys in uniforms standing on my doorstep. My knees kind of buckled and I started shaking really bad. I walked slowly the rest of the way at one point thinking " Maybe they're cops, maybe he had a car accident". But I opened the door and two Army uniformed men were there. And I knew, but I didn't knew. I can't remember exactly what they said.They asked if they could come in and I ( must have been in shock) said " If I let two men in this house at 3am Frank's gonna kick my ass." The chaplain shook his head and said ' No, ma'am, he's not." And that's when I realized what they were there for. I asked them " Oh God, who was with him???" They couldn't tell me. I don't remember at what point I found out later that it was 3 others that died as well. I let them in and remember that slow walk to the living room and just shaking so bad and being so cold. I sat on the couch and just kept saying "I don't believe this." The guys were so nice, they were upset too, one of them read the official statement. something to the effect of " I regret to inform you that while flying a training mission last night on Dec 12 your husband CW3 Frank Buonicont ( except he pronounced it like picante) was killed ". Murder my heart. I'm sitting here typing this 19 days later and I still can't believe it. I went into complete shock. They asked if I wanted to call anyone and I had to go upstairs to get my phone. I called our friends Bobby & Melody who live down the street, Bobby is a pilot in Frank's troop too. I called Frank's brother so he could go tell their parents. I called our good friend Lori, who is also a pilot up here.
I don't remember much about that morning. Bobby,Melody and Lori got here pretty quickly, we decided to let the kids go to school without telling them. We had to to hold it together. It broke my heart putting Ronin on that school bus knowing that when he got home I was going to tell him the worst news ever. I know I spent the day just in shock. But we laughed, we cried, we laughed some more, we cried some more. I had to call about a million people and deliver the news. Every time I said it I still didn't believe it. About mid afternoon I finally just laid down on the bathroom floor and sobbed until I couldn't anymore. As the hours rolled by and it was time for kids to start getting home I just wanted the world to end. The thought of telling my poor sweet kids that their Daddy wasn't ever coming home again..... I still can't believe I had to do it.
But I did. I took Zoe for a short walk as soon as she got off the bus. It was awful. I took Ronin up to his room and told him. It was awful, he's 6 and he's our sensitive one. He just cried and cried so loudly. The other grownups in the house went outside, it was too much to listen to. I just sat and held him and cried too. Later I quietly told Liam that Daddy's helicopter crashed and that he was in Heaven now and wouldn't be coming home. I laid on head on my bed and started crying and he reached his little hand out and said "Don't cry Mommy, Daddy be home tomorrow!". I half wished they were all tiny and wouldn't understand, but on the other hand I know that at 3 years old Liam won't remember much later on. And that breaks my heart.
The day ended somehow, I don't remember. People were already flying in, family, friends from back East. Thank God for all of them surrounding us. I put the kids to bed, prayed and cried with them.
I am thankful for the weekend we had together as a family before he died. On Sunday we went and chopped down our Christmas tree. Frank made spaghetti and meatballs for us, Lori and Melody & Bobby and their 3 kids. I have no regrets about our time spent, I know he was happy when he left this earth. He died doing what he loved and he died leaving people feeling loved and blessed.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
The Day The World Changed.
On the evening of December 12, 2011, my husband CW3 Frank Buoniconti and 3 other pilots were killed when their Kiowa helicopters collided during a training flight on Fort Lewis WA.
December 12, 2011 we got up to get the kids off to school. Frank was flying nights that week so he was home that morning. We got Zoe out to the bus, hung around with the boys , they watched the obnoxious Kia Hamster Party Rock commercial about 5 times, we danced around in the kitchen, laughed... normal "us" stuff. I had errands to run and he came with me so I wouldn't have to drag the toddlers out of the van every time. Came home, put the littles down for their nap and spent some nice time together before he headed out to work at 11:30. He kissed me goodbye, said "I love ya, see ya tonight" and got in his truck and drove off happy. He called me a few minutes later and said "Hey, would you close the garage door? I love you!".I went on with my day, Hunter had a doctor appointment that afternoon... our last one for a month. It was a cold day, but after we got back from the hospital I put the littles in the stroller and we were standing in our driveway when a Kiowa flew over the house low and slow. I knew it was him, I took a video of Liam yelling. We loved seeing Daddy fly over the house. Now that I think about it... that was the last glimpse we got of him. Flying out over Puget Sound... doing what he loved.
I got the big kids home from the bus stop and did our normal evening stuff. After the kids went to bed I was cleaning up my office and putzing around on the computer. I was waiting up for him, figured he'd be home around midnight. By 12:30 I decided to go to bed. I heated up the rice bags to warm up his side of the bed ( He came home like a block of ice after flying at night up here), I did that so he wouldn't put his cold feet on ME when he slipped into the bed. He loved that I did that for him.
I rolled over and fell asleep and woke up with a start at 2:40 and immediately felt something was wrong. He should have been home by then. I sent a text at 2:43 "Babe,where are you?" Didn't get a response. Got out of bed, looked out the window to check for his truck, paced a few minutes. Got back in bed, trying to shake it off. But I felt seriously off. I texted him "Worried here-are you okay?" I laid down but my head was What If-ing already.
A few minutes later the doorbell rang. I know I freaked out but I also thought " Oh crap,he's home and I left the chain on the door!". The dog bolted down the stairs, I started walking down the stairs and got midway down and could see through the glass door. I could see guys in uniforms standing on my doorstep. My knees kind of buckled and I started shaking really bad. I walked slowly the rest of the way at one point thinking " Maybe they're cops, maybe he had a car accident". But I opened the door and two Army uniformed men were there. And I knew, but I didn't knew. I can't remember exactly what they said.They asked if they could come in and I ( must have been in shock) said " If I let two men in this house at 3am Frank's gonna kick my ass." The chaplain shook his head and said ' No, ma'am, he's not." And that's when I realized what they were there for. I asked them " Oh God, who was with him???" They couldn't tell me. I don't remember at what point I found out later that it was 3 others that died as well. I let them in and remember that slow walk to the living room and just shaking so bad and being so cold. I sat on the couch and just kept saying "I don't believe this." The guys were so nice, they were upset too, one of them read the official statement. something to the effect of " I regret to inform you that while flying a training mission last night on Dec 12 your husband CW3 Frank Buonicont ( except he pronounced it like picante) was killed ". Murder my heart. I'm sitting here typing this 19 days later and I still can't believe it. I went into complete shock. They asked if I wanted to call anyone and I had to go upstairs to get my phone. I called our friends Bobby & Melody who live down the street, Bobby is a pilot in Frank's troop too. I called Frank's brother so he could go tell their parents. I called our good friend Lori, who is also a pilot up here.
I don't remember much about that morning. Bobby,Melody and Lori got here pretty quickly, we decided to let the kids go to school without telling them. We had to to hold it together. It broke my heart putting Ronin on that school bus knowing that when he got home I was going to tell him the worst news ever. I know I spent the day just in shock. But we laughed, we cried, we laughed some more, we cried some more. I had to call about a million people and deliver the news. Every time I said it I still didn't believe it. About mid afternoon I finally just laid down on the bathroom floor and sobbed until I couldn't anymore. As the hours rolled by and it was time for kids to start getting home I just wanted the world to end. The thought of telling my poor sweet kids that their Daddy wasn't ever coming home again..... I still can't believe I had to do it.
But I did. I took Zoe for a short walk as soon as she got off the bus. It was awful. I took Ronin up to his room and told him. It was awful, he's 6 and he's our sensitive one. He just cried and cried so loudly. The other grownups in the house went outside, it was too much to listen to. I just sat and held him and cried too. Later I quietly told Liam that Daddy's helicopter crashed and that he was in Heaven now and wouldn't be coming home. I laid on head on my bed and started crying and he reached his little hand out and said "Don't cry Mommy, Daddy be home tomorrow!". I half wished they were all tiny and wouldn't understand, but on the other hand I know that at 3 years old Liam won't remember much later on. And that breaks my heart.
The day ended somehow, I don't remember. People were already flying in, family, friends from back East. Thank God for all of them surrounding us. I put the kids to bed, prayed and cried with them.
I am thankful for the weekend we had together as a family before he died. On Sunday we went and chopped down our Christmas tree. Frank made spaghetti and meatballs for us, Lori and Melody & Bobby and their 3 kids. I have no regrets about our time spent, I know he was happy when he left this earth. He died doing what he loved and he died leaving people feeling loved and blessed.
December 12, 2011 we got up to get the kids off to school. Frank was flying nights that week so he was home that morning. We got Zoe out to the bus, hung around with the boys , they watched the obnoxious Kia Hamster Party Rock commercial about 5 times, we danced around in the kitchen, laughed... normal "us" stuff. I had errands to run and he came with me so I wouldn't have to drag the toddlers out of the van every time. Came home, put the littles down for their nap and spent some nice time together before he headed out to work at 11:30. He kissed me goodbye, said "I love ya, see ya tonight" and got in his truck and drove off happy. He called me a few minutes later and said "Hey, would you close the garage door? I love you!".I went on with my day, Hunter had a doctor appointment that afternoon... our last one for a month. It was a cold day, but after we got back from the hospital I put the littles in the stroller and we were standing in our driveway when a Kiowa flew over the house low and slow. I knew it was him, I took a video of Liam yelling. We loved seeing Daddy fly over the house. Now that I think about it... that was the last glimpse we got of him. Flying out over Puget Sound... doing what he loved.
I got the big kids home from the bus stop and did our normal evening stuff. After the kids went to bed I was cleaning up my office and putzing around on the computer. I was waiting up for him, figured he'd be home around midnight. By 12:30 I decided to go to bed. I heated up the rice bags to warm up his side of the bed ( He came home like a block of ice after flying at night up here), I did that so he wouldn't put his cold feet on ME when he slipped into the bed. He loved that I did that for him.
I rolled over and fell asleep and woke up with a start at 2:40 and immediately felt something was wrong. He should have been home by then. I sent a text at 2:43 "Babe,where are you?" Didn't get a response. Got out of bed, looked out the window to check for his truck, paced a few minutes. Got back in bed, trying to shake it off. But I felt seriously off. I texted him "Worried here-are you okay?" I laid down but my head was What If-ing already.
A few minutes later the doorbell rang. I know I freaked out but I also thought " Oh crap,he's home and I left the chain on the door!". The dog bolted down the stairs, I started walking down the stairs and got midway down and could see through the glass door. I could see guys in uniforms standing on my doorstep. My knees kind of buckled and I started shaking really bad. I walked slowly the rest of the way at one point thinking " Maybe they're cops, maybe he had a car accident". But I opened the door and two Army uniformed men were there. And I knew, but I didn't knew. I can't remember exactly what they said.They asked if they could come in and I ( must have been in shock) said " If I let two men in this house at 3am Frank's gonna kick my ass." The chaplain shook his head and said ' No, ma'am, he's not." And that's when I realized what they were there for. I asked them " Oh God, who was with him???" They couldn't tell me. I don't remember at what point I found out later that it was 3 others that died as well. I let them in and remember that slow walk to the living room and just shaking so bad and being so cold. I sat on the couch and just kept saying "I don't believe this." The guys were so nice, they were upset too, one of them read the official statement. something to the effect of " I regret to inform you that while flying a training mission last night on Dec 12 your husband CW3 Frank Buonicont ( except he pronounced it like picante) was killed ". Murder my heart. I'm sitting here typing this 19 days later and I still can't believe it. I went into complete shock. They asked if I wanted to call anyone and I had to go upstairs to get my phone. I called our friends Bobby & Melody who live down the street, Bobby is a pilot in Frank's troop too. I called Frank's brother so he could go tell their parents. I called our good friend Lori, who is also a pilot up here.
I don't remember much about that morning. Bobby,Melody and Lori got here pretty quickly, we decided to let the kids go to school without telling them. We had to to hold it together. It broke my heart putting Ronin on that school bus knowing that when he got home I was going to tell him the worst news ever. I know I spent the day just in shock. But we laughed, we cried, we laughed some more, we cried some more. I had to call about a million people and deliver the news. Every time I said it I still didn't believe it. About mid afternoon I finally just laid down on the bathroom floor and sobbed until I couldn't anymore. As the hours rolled by and it was time for kids to start getting home I just wanted the world to end. The thought of telling my poor sweet kids that their Daddy wasn't ever coming home again..... I still can't believe I had to do it.
But I did. I took Zoe for a short walk as soon as she got off the bus. It was awful. I took Ronin up to his room and told him. It was awful, he's 6 and he's our sensitive one. He just cried and cried so loudly. The other grownups in the house went outside, it was too much to listen to. I just sat and held him and cried too. Later I quietly told Liam that Daddy's helicopter crashed and that he was in Heaven now and wouldn't be coming home. I laid on head on my bed and started crying and he reached his little hand out and said "Don't cry Mommy, Daddy be home tomorrow!". I half wished they were all tiny and wouldn't understand, but on the other hand I know that at 3 years old Liam won't remember much later on. And that breaks my heart.
The day ended somehow, I don't remember. People were already flying in, family, friends from back East. Thank God for all of them surrounding us. I put the kids to bed, prayed and cried with them.
I am thankful for the weekend we had together as a family before he died. On Sunday we went and chopped down our Christmas tree. Frank made spaghetti and meatballs for us, Lori and Melody & Bobby and their 3 kids. I have no regrets about our time spent, I know he was happy when he left this earth. He died doing what he loved and he died leaving people feeling loved and blessed.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
We're baaaaack
After having some privacy/security issues involving our adoption I had to take down our family blog and adoption blog, so this is the NEW blog which will hopefully remain uncompromised so we can continue sharing our family's story. Names will be changed and I may not be reposting old blog posts but if you've been following us for a while you know the story.
We moved from our beautiful desert home to the even more beautiful Pacific Northwest 3 weeks ago and have settled in great. All our kiddos did great on the trip and we have a nice big beautiful home for everyone to run crazy and hopefully grow bigger in. All the kids are adjusting, they are resilient little warriors, we're so proud of them. The best part of the move was that "Hudson" is already has been receiving high level specialty care at the nearby hospital and we are moving very fast getting consults,tests and possible diagnosis, it's been awesome to have him being taken care of by so many great doctors.
Hudson's immune system is doing great, enough so to take him off the strong antibiotic that was helping protect him against HIV related pneumonia that he has suffered a few times in the past. This is GREAT news because it means his body is getting stronger, his viral loads are going down and his CD4 count is consistently getting higher/stabilizing. He has been progressing on a fast track since we brought him home July 31 and just last week he started crawling on all fours. He's into all kinds of things now, is getting bigger and we're happy to see how far he's come in such a short time.
We're just now skimming the surface of his special needs though and it's an emotional time. While we're so happy and excited for him to be getting care and for the "work" to begin in getting him better and on the right track...... the medical facts about his conditions are sometimes scary,depressing and just exhausting. Right now I'm just going to list off his medical needs because lots of people have been asking and we need lots of people praying specifically about them.
* premature birth, born at 4lbs 12 oz
*HIV+, which may have caused HIV encephalitis (which is a whole big thing on it's own)
*severe illnesses requiring multiple hospitalizations in early infancy
*failure to thrive & malnutrition
*microcephaly
*severe global developmental delays
*neglect of unknown proportion in birthhome until 15 months old
*strong possibility of cerebral palsy
*strong possibility of autism spectrum disorder
*prenatal exposure to alcohol,cigarettes and possibly drugs
* and God only knows what else, but hopefully that's IT.
Did you just say "Holy crap!"? ( and I try not to say that but it just kinda slips out when staring at that list).
Yes, it's an enormous,overwhelming amount of WHOA to deal with. Some of it we knew when we picked him up, other things have started coming out of the woodwork since then. We are sad for Hudson, he should have had a different start in life. We believe he is fearfully and wonderfully made, but all those things listed above are because of someone else's bad choices and the consequences of those choices and that's also very hard to process. As his new mom it breaks my heart and makes me angry with a HOLY ANGER that he has been served this injustice. But I also believe even more so in God's faithfulness and healing. Hudson may never be a typically functioning child. I have felt that since the day I met him. But with loving care , professional assistance and the healing that comes only from Heaven..... he'll be alright. Define "alright"? I can't even put words to it right now. We are adjusting to our new normal, there's moments of great grieving, terrible frustration, immense anger, total helplessness ,disbelief and even doubt. There's also moments of great hope,joy and STILLNESS. He's home. He's safe. He's fed and warm. He's loved on, cuddled,kissed,tickled,played with, read to, prayed over,cried over,he smiles, he watches his siblings,he pulls the wipies out of the wipie box, he will lean in for kisses occasionally. He KNOWS he's being taken care of here. It's evident in the change of his demeanor since we came home. He knows we are his family. He's no longer fatherless. He has parents who only want the best for him and who will fight for him and defend him.He's ours.
All those things overshadow his diagnosis. All those things make this hard,hard road worth it. All those things tell us we did the right thing. Our God is Mighty To Save and we are so thankful He delivered Hudson out of his previous life and into our family. We don't feel worthy of the honor to be his parents and be a part of his story in redemption and healing.
Please pray for Hudson, we have a ton of specialty appointments, including a sedated MRI coming up in the next 6 weeks. Pray for the doctors to have wisdom and that they'll find absolute diagnosis so we can know what we're dealing with and get on with it. Most of all pray for divine healing on Hudson, on his brain specifically.
Thank you for all your support over these months of transition, we are so thankful for the friends and family members we have who been an amazing source of encouragement and helpfulness to us.
We moved from our beautiful desert home to the even more beautiful Pacific Northwest 3 weeks ago and have settled in great. All our kiddos did great on the trip and we have a nice big beautiful home for everyone to run crazy and hopefully grow bigger in. All the kids are adjusting, they are resilient little warriors, we're so proud of them. The best part of the move was that "Hudson" is already has been receiving high level specialty care at the nearby hospital and we are moving very fast getting consults,tests and possible diagnosis, it's been awesome to have him being taken care of by so many great doctors.
Hudson's immune system is doing great, enough so to take him off the strong antibiotic that was helping protect him against HIV related pneumonia that he has suffered a few times in the past. This is GREAT news because it means his body is getting stronger, his viral loads are going down and his CD4 count is consistently getting higher/stabilizing. He has been progressing on a fast track since we brought him home July 31 and just last week he started crawling on all fours. He's into all kinds of things now, is getting bigger and we're happy to see how far he's come in such a short time.
We're just now skimming the surface of his special needs though and it's an emotional time. While we're so happy and excited for him to be getting care and for the "work" to begin in getting him better and on the right track...... the medical facts about his conditions are sometimes scary,depressing and just exhausting. Right now I'm just going to list off his medical needs because lots of people have been asking and we need lots of people praying specifically about them.
* premature birth, born at 4lbs 12 oz
*HIV+, which may have caused HIV encephalitis (which is a whole big thing on it's own)
*severe illnesses requiring multiple hospitalizations in early infancy
*failure to thrive & malnutrition
*microcephaly
*severe global developmental delays
*neglect of unknown proportion in birthhome until 15 months old
*strong possibility of cerebral palsy
*strong possibility of autism spectrum disorder
*prenatal exposure to alcohol,cigarettes and possibly drugs
* and God only knows what else, but hopefully that's IT.
Did you just say "Holy crap!"? ( and I try not to say that but it just kinda slips out when staring at that list).
Yes, it's an enormous,overwhelming amount of WHOA to deal with. Some of it we knew when we picked him up, other things have started coming out of the woodwork since then. We are sad for Hudson, he should have had a different start in life. We believe he is fearfully and wonderfully made, but all those things listed above are because of someone else's bad choices and the consequences of those choices and that's also very hard to process. As his new mom it breaks my heart and makes me angry with a HOLY ANGER that he has been served this injustice. But I also believe even more so in God's faithfulness and healing. Hudson may never be a typically functioning child. I have felt that since the day I met him. But with loving care , professional assistance and the healing that comes only from Heaven..... he'll be alright. Define "alright"? I can't even put words to it right now. We are adjusting to our new normal, there's moments of great grieving, terrible frustration, immense anger, total helplessness ,disbelief and even doubt. There's also moments of great hope,joy and STILLNESS. He's home. He's safe. He's fed and warm. He's loved on, cuddled,kissed,tickled,played with, read to, prayed over,cried over,he smiles, he watches his siblings,he pulls the wipies out of the wipie box, he will lean in for kisses occasionally. He KNOWS he's being taken care of here. It's evident in the change of his demeanor since we came home. He knows we are his family. He's no longer fatherless. He has parents who only want the best for him and who will fight for him and defend him.He's ours.
All those things overshadow his diagnosis. All those things make this hard,hard road worth it. All those things tell us we did the right thing. Our God is Mighty To Save and we are so thankful He delivered Hudson out of his previous life and into our family. We don't feel worthy of the honor to be his parents and be a part of his story in redemption and healing.
Please pray for Hudson, we have a ton of specialty appointments, including a sedated MRI coming up in the next 6 weeks. Pray for the doctors to have wisdom and that they'll find absolute diagnosis so we can know what we're dealing with and get on with it. Most of all pray for divine healing on Hudson, on his brain specifically.
Thank you for all your support over these months of transition, we are so thankful for the friends and family members we have who been an amazing source of encouragement and helpfulness to us.
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