You've defended the silver lining.....

~Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining 

 Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

-The Heart of Life, by John Mayer~

Oh my friends & family, how do I start to thank you for what you've done for us over this last year? 

I have written this post in my head many many times since last December, I'll never be able to get the words right and I will never,ever be able to repay the kindness and love shown to me,my kids, my family. There are few things that have made any sense this year, but a strong, constant truth has shown itself time and time again....... we are loved,we are surrounded, we are prayed for, we are cherished. My faith has been my Rock. YOUR love,support and encouragement have been the hands piecing my broken heart back together. God has given me amazing people. What have I done in this life to deserve this kind of love? I'm in awe. 

I've wanted to list every single one of you that has helped me, but it's just not feasible. Please know I am thankful for every. single. thing. 

Every card, letter,text message,phone call, email,care package,every funny gag gift( thank you for helping me maintain my sense of humor!). 

Every meal, cup of coffee, every time you babysat my kids, every time you invited them over for a playdate, every time you let the boys wrestle you or ambush you with Nerf guns. Every time you came and sat with me, listened to me tell the same story over and over again. Every time you took me out for Indian food, every time you ran alongside of me,every inappropriate joke you told me and made me laugh, every stupid unicorn thing you sent, every awkward hug.

Everytime you cried with me, laughed with me, got mad with me,prayed for me,hurt for me, helped me with some house project, helped me achieve something that has helped heal me. 

Every visit. Gosh, some of you came from so far away, you came that first week, or came later on,  some of you came during ice storms and the whole house having the stomach flu. You came when Washington weather was , uh, well.... very Washington. You came and saw the grief up close and personal, and you loved us through it.

There are some of you who have had to endure the worst things this year brought to me. From the first phone panicked,in shock phone calls I made at 3 am on December 13, I have had you by my side and there's just no words to thank you. I would never wish witnessing this kind of pain and grief on anyone, I hurt for my loved ones that have had to walk this weary road with me. It has not been easy for you.

 From coming to make funeral plans,  standing beside me viewing my precious Frank's body,holding my hand through memorial services, having to leave the house after hearing my sweet Ronin's cries when I told him his Daddy was gone,having to tell your own children the horrible thing that happened,watching me walk around shell shocked for weeks, watching me lose myself and find myself again,  running miles of tears and heartbreak with me, witnessing the effects of immense grief in my children, talking with me about my heartbreaking decision about Hunter. Sitting beside me when I signed over my parental rights,watching as I buckled him in his carseat one last time and sent him on to his new life. Hurting every time little Liam greets you with " You know, my Daddy diiiiiiiiieeeeeed." Picking up Frank's ashes,worrying and crying for me.You've hugged me through my pain, laughed with me, shown me love and friendship that I've never known. 

Friends, Family..... 

    You've defended my silver lining. 

                                               Thank you.