Marriage......

August 24,1997   Manitou Springs,Colorado

Today would have been mine and Frank's 15th anniversary. Last year on Aug 24, we had about 10 minutes with each other all day. I drove him through the Burger King drivethru for his lunch and we finalized renting the house in Washington. Nothing flashy, nothing spectacular. Just normal life.
 Normal life.

I issued a challenge to friends and family back in December, and I've been feeling really pressed to just keep reminding people that our time here is so short, you never know how numbered your days are......

 December 18,2011

Are you loving your spouse? REALLY loving them? Are you working at it? Are you forgiving? Are you selfless? Are you laughing? Are you loving more than fighting?Are you kissing them goodbye every time they walk out that door? Are you saying "I love you" EVERY chance you can get?

If you're not.... why the hell not? What are you waiting for? Someday could be too late. I'm so thankful he left me feeling incredibly loved the last 15 years. He kept every vow he ever made to me and it wasn't always easy but wow, was it worth it.

 Marriage is haaaaaaaard. It is not always fun, sometimes it's downright miserable. Frank and I weren't perfect, there were definitely some hard moments in those 15 years. Moments when I'd look at him and want to punch him straight in the face, moments when,especially after deployments, I'd look at him and wonder "Do I even KNOW this guy anymore?!", moments when I thought about just packing it in. I'm know he felt like that sometimes too. But then I'd stop and think about how the thought of living without him was the worst thing I could think of.  And it is. It's the worst thing I can think of. I'd give anything to even be stuck in a moment where I might have slightly hated his guts, because at least there was still hope, there was still the knowledge that he was there and we would stick it out, no matter what. Because we always did stick it out.

Marriage is so much about selflessness. And people today have it SO WRONG. I want to send a wake-up call to my generation...... DUDES.....GET OVER YOURSELVES. You cannot always have it your way. You cannot always be right. You are not entitled. Ladies, you are not freaking princesses, stop acting like spoiled brats ! Gentlemen, man up and be who you were created to be!
SPOUSES....put aside your selfishness, your stubborn pride, your belief that you deserve the moon handed to you, be tender with each other, make the other laugh,make the other feel like they are worth something.You will not regret these things! Marriage is about DAILY dying to self and LOVING ONE ANOTHER. This is NOT easy. You HAVE to work at it. Every.Single.Damn.Day. Yes, it's exhausting some days. Sometimes those days will drag on for months. FIGHT THROUGH IT. Quit fighting over piddly crap, quit taking them for granted, quit complaining about everything. You looked that person in the eye one day and promised to love them no matter what comes.... sickness, health,prosperity,desperate times,times of annoyance, times of starry eyed passion. Hey. How about DOING THAT?! Keep your promise.
Ladies, I know this hard, but put down that laundry basket, stop making those school lunches.... go sit on his lap and make out with him. Better yet, insist you go make out in the minivan that's parked in the garage. Guys, take that laundry basket out her arms, look her in the face and tell her you just want to be with her.  Look at each other and remember the promise you made. Having a rough patch? Do you still have breath? You do? Then FIGHT for your marriage.

I sit here with a  very different perspective this year. Last year I was the one being asked to just put the laundry basket down, stop folding the cloth diapers, stop making the menu plans, stop cleaning up baby toys and "Just come sit down with me for a few minutes." Sometimes I did. Sometimes I didn't. I will forever kick myself for the times I didn't.  Time with him was precious. It was so short. And I didn't know the clock was counting down our days so fast.  I thought I had 50 more years to sit beside him.

 I didn't know that after only 14 years, 3 months & 18 days of marriage he would chase me up the stairs one Monday morning while our two littlest sons were napping, we'd make love one more time before he left for work

and never came home. 


Please don't waste your promise. Please don't waste your precious days. Marriage is a gift. I beg you to treat it like one.